Branded

 Full disclosure: In the mid-1980s I owned a white linen jacket. It was my curious nod toward being "in fashion." I say this because it was off-brand for me, a brand that I had worked for decades to establish. T-shirt and jeans were my thing. I could count the times I wore that jacket out in public, sleeves rolled up, on three fingers. It was a chance, a shot I was taking at trying something new. 

Oreos were first made, I hesitate to use the term "baked," in 1912. Since then they have been by their own account, America's favorite cookie. 

Coca-Cola was first brewed in 1886. They have been filling our soda needs for nearly a century and a half. First place in the pop culture was never in doubt, in spite of Pepsi's mild attempts at making things different they now show up in third place behind Coke and Dr. Pepper. 

Oreo and Coke have controlled the snack aisle for more than a century. Which is probably why both companies have felt more than comfortable playing fast and loose with their brands. I could go ahead and remind everyone of the New Cocke debacle, but after forty years by their own admission it was a mistake. Which hasn't kept them from playing fast and loose with their secret formula. My son harbored a perverse fascination with Coke Starlight back in 2022, using our basement to store cases of the "space flavored" version of their original recipe. 

Many of the same flirtations with Oreo's success. We as a nation have surrendered years ago to the notion that we needed twice the sugar-infused lard filling in the form of "Double-Stuf," opening the door for all manner of flavors sandwiched between those semi-sweet chocolate wafers. Sometimes you have to look around a little to be sure that what you're getting is a package of Oreos as the National Biscuit Company intended. 

Which brings me to the sadly obvious nexus of this operation. Once upon a time I tried putting myself in a Don Johnson wrapper, but I didn't fool anyone. This past week end, my wife and I were in the grocery store and we came upon a display for, I kid you not, Oreo Coke Zero. You read that right: sugar free Coca-Cola infused with Oreo cookies. The promotional materials suggested that if I looked around, I might find Oreos infused with Coca-Cola. At this point, our senses were too overwhelmed to seek them out, let alone purchase any of them. 

I am confident that this too shall pass. In another few months, Coke will be Coke again. Oreos will be Oreos. And I will still be looking for that white linen jacket. Just in case.