Not Hopeless

 I confess to having a pretty blasé attitude when it comes to shootings in Oakland.  In the past I have maintained an attitude that the kinds of killing that gets done here in Oaktown is the spur of the moment, immediate settlement of grievances kind of situation that is resolved abruptly. This past Monday, a twelve year old at a middle school here shot a thirteen year old. The thirteen year old is in stable condition and expected to survive. My blasé attitude is not. 

The recent murder of a local restauranteur in our neighborhood had already punched a fair-sized hole in the myth that I was living in some sort of "safe zone." The gunshots we all hear periodically that we try to fool ourselves into believing are fireworks ring in my ears. 

The shooter and victim in the shooting at Madison Park Academy were just a little older than the kids I teach. The chances of a relative connection is very high. The connection I feel to the community is a real and stark one. I have experienced my share of lockdowns at my elementary school, but only via the threat of an outside idjitator with a gun. 

On Monday, I was called to intercede in a number of minor disagreements. Most of them centered around Pokemon cards. One particular second grader was mixed up in three of them, determined to "get his revenge." Do I know that the students involved in the Madison Park Academy were upset about something more important than Pokemon cards? The kids involved are kids. What in their brief existence could bring about a life or death choice? A girl? A perceived slight? Cutting in line? A "yo mama" joke gone horribly wrong? 

I would like to think that what makes the incidents at my school so different is the sense of innocence that hangs over elementary school. But what I know is the reality: The difference is access to a gun. I am terrified to think about what could happen if one of our kids, in a fit of pique, got his or her hand on a loaded weapon. 

Which is why I stay here. Opening doors and offering alternatives and ways to express frustration and fear and all those jangled emotions that burden our youngest citizens. 

Desperate
But not helpless
The clock strikes midnight
In the murder city -  Green Day "Murder City"