Wednesday, May 04, 2022

The Sleeper Has Awakened

 My apologies for those of you who clicked here directly upon seeing the title, hoping for some dish or dissertation on Dune. Sorry for the confusion there. I probably should have called this one "Castro's Carrots," since a billion years or so ago I remember reading somewhere that the Central Intelligence Agency, as part of a program to diminish the Cuban dictator's power, attempted to slip female hormones into his carrots, his favorite dish. Well, years pass and now I have access to a wealth of additional information thanks to Al Gore's Internet, and now I realize that story may have been a leftover legend from World War II when a plan was hatched to sneak estrogen into Hitler's food. The plan the CIA had for Castro didn't call for hormones, but thallium salts on his shoes, hoping that it would make his beard fall out. Our tax dollars at work. 

So here we are once again faced with an oppressive dictator who needs to be taken down a peg or two. I wondered what sort of nefarious schemes were being suggested to get rid of Vlad "The Impaler" Putin. Any sort of assault on this guy's virility would probably lead to chaos in Russia. The mere suggestion that the bear he once wrestled was shot up with thorazine before the event was staged could bring about all manner of confusion and uproar in the former Soviet Union. This in turn brought me to the somewhat outdated idea of "sleeper cells." Groups of agents planted deep in the fabric of enemy territory, appearing as ordinary citizens until one day they spring into action and ZAP! 

Whatever zap is. Probably something to overthrow the government, handing control back to the people. Of course the other side probably has their own sleeper cells here in suburban enclaves. While we fret and stress over events happening across the seas, there are probably spies who are just pretending to standard issue Good Americans and biding their time. 

But wait. What if they didn't even need to hide? What if they were just hiding out there in plain sight? On Fox News? What if they were a group of angry klutzes incapable of carrying out a clever covert operation, preferring instead to straight up attack the United States Capitol, attempting to disrupt the democratic process? Like the slavering idiots of January 6th. All those folks out there who insist they want to be the opposite of "woke," those would be "sleepers," right? 

Just not very sound sleepers. The battle for the heart and soul of our own country will continue as soon as someone explains it to Lauren Boebert

1 comment:

Kristen Caven said...

Where's Fight Club when you need it?