It's An Exhibition, Not A Competition - Please No Wagering

 Okay, so Godzilla versus Kong. Why can't they just get along? Well, if you bother to listen to any of the inane dialogue that hangs on the edges of the next computer generated outburst from the giant ape or the giant lizard, there is some sort of ancient rivalry between the two. They're both titans, after all, and you can't expect titans to go for very long without wanting to clash with one another. 

It's the way of the world. Or the world described by the room full of screenwriters who toiled over the story of this film. Eight of them hammering away for a year in hopes of generating a story that would captivate the audiences who have shown a predilection toward watching giant monsters wreaking havoc in various metropolitan locales. And yet I expect that the guy who did the motion capture for the big ape was still at times stuck on the green screen set, wondering aloud, "What's my motivation?" 

It used to be that all it took to get Kong into the mood to tear up a city was to take his blonde girlfriend away. Now, decades later, we are burdened with some legendary feud that continues on between monsters of a certain size. We know this because of the scientists of various stripes who seem to have made a study of such things. One has gone so far as to make the conjecture that the earth is really hollow and that's where giant lizards and apes came from. And where they should eventually return. 

And if this starts to remind you of some of the nonsense spouted by the scientists in the Pacific Rim films, then you get points for caring that much. But not much else. It's just a way to lavish more money on computer generated backgrounds in which computer generated monsters can romp about. Until it's time to crush a few dozen skyscrapers, at which point it will become necessary for the titular beasts to resurface and destroy (checks notes) Hong Kong. Considering the geopolitical instability of that area currently, having this battle royale in the city limits constitutes overkill, but I'm sure the folks in Tokyo and New York City were just as glad to get a breather on this one. 

I do believe that there is sufficient titan-ish action in this film, judging by the completely extemporaneous appearances of human beings around the edges. The little girl who can speak sign language to Kong. The group of conspiracy chasers who find their way into the lair of the evil genius who has some half-baked plan about controlling Godzilla, and the guy I mentioned earlier who just wants the world to support his belief in a hollow earth. It's all that chatter that ends up getting lost in the roars and spittle of lizard and ape. 

Which is exactly what got my son and I to sit down on the couch on that sunny Saturday afternoon: Godzilla versus Kong. If I told you how it turns out, you'd still want to see it for yourself. If you wanted to see it at all. Just do yourself a favor. Don't bother listening to it. It makes about as much sense as a giant gorilla engaged in some ancient blood feud with a giant radioactive lizard.