Terms Undisclosed

 Stick with me here, it gets a little confusing:

A lawsuit was settled last week over the death of a participant in a pancake eating contest. I mention "participant" in case you may wonder if any spectators were harmed during this exhibition. Not physically. However, their emotional state may forever be challenged by the sight of breakfast food being hastily forced down the throats of college-aged youngsters. I included the "youngsters" in that last sentence as a segue into this bit of information: The 2017 contest in which one of the participants died was a fundraiser for Prevent Child Abuse America. Caitlin Nelson, a student at Connecticut's Sacred Heart University, choked to death on pancakes she was shoving into her mouth in an effort to raise money to prevent child abuse. 

The lawsuit was brought by Caitlin's mother, who alleged that the university did not have medical staff present at the event. The university's attorney said that it was Caitlin's own "carelessness and negligence" that took the life of the twenty year old. And if you're sticking around for more nasty tidbits, it took three days for Caitlin to die. Doctors at a hospital in Connecticut and then New York were unable to resuscitate her. And if you're waiting for an extra helping of tragedy, how about tacking on the fact that Caitlin's dad was a police officer who was killed in the 9/11 attack on Manhattan. 

So the story has all sorts of intriguing and grotesque details, and it was all wrapped up three years after the fact this week when Caitlin's mom resolved her complaint, terms were not immediately available. The university filed court documents denying any wrongdoing on the part of the school. Way back in 2017,Fairfield police Lieutenant Bob Kalamaras said  “It’s a tragic event that started out as something fun.” This echoes a sentiment most parents know by heart, "It's always fun until somebody gets hurt." Or in this case, dies.

Which made me reflect on my stunt-eating career. The suffering I endured after eating most of a jar of jalapeno relish, for which I received the princely sum of seven dollars and a day of laying on my bed expecting all my internal organs to shut down. Or the times that I force-fed myself a Big Mac in one bite. Yes, you read that right: times. More than once. Each time, there was a moment that the thought of suffocating myself with twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun flashed through my head and I kept swallowing so that this would not be my legacy. Nor would the bowl of Cocoa Puffs I ate from a bowl filled with Coca Cola. It is a wonder that my own digestive tract has never filed a lawsuit against me. It should also be noted that at no point during any of the previously mentioned exhibitions were medical staff present.

And neither was common sense.