Trump: The Musical

How do solve a problem like the Donald? A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown! It's more of a musical theater issue than a political one. Unpredictable as weather, he's as flighty as a feather. He's a darling! He's a demon! He's a lamb! He's orange. It would take more than a nun to figure out what to do with all that Trumpishness. It would take an entire convent.

Or a professor like Henry Higgins. The challenge ahead of the Republican Party is simple enough. They need to make Donald Trump(sic) appear more presidential. It could be as simple as ditching that intermittent ball cap. Or perhaps the problem runs a little deeper. 

Now that the primaries are essentially over, and the brackets are pretty much set for the finals, the Grand Old Party will have to figure out a way to get their candidate to appeal to your average voter. He already has the foaming at the mouth reality TV crowd pretty much locked in. That group alone will not win a general election. Now the Trump Camp (also the worst place to send your eight year old for the summer) must figure out where they are going to scare up enough votes not just from the unaffiliated, but from those disappointed and disenfranchised.

He has already begun to try and reel in those who were once Berned. They may end up being twice shy. Those Sanders voters are more likely to sit out the general election if their guy isn't in the race than to hop the fence and vote for the guy with the great big wall So many metaphors. So little time. And all of those die-hard Cruz-ers need to be persuaded that the swoopy-haired bad man who made fun of their man. At the same time, who can imagine a kinder, gentler Donald J. Trump(inc)? Could Professor Higgins and Colonel Pickering teach him to walk and to talk and act like a regular person before November?

Probably not. The guy who made his career in real estate and snarling "you're fired" at the camera will need a massive infusion of charm just to come up to the level of plankton. Scary, spray-tanned plankton with a comb-over. Where is Karl Rove when we really need him?