Paris Hilton, We Salute You!

Earlier this year I walked into one of our fifth grade classes and saw this written across the board: "Fair is when everyone gets what they need." This struck me as painfully obvious but immediately committed it to memory so that I could use it back in my own classroom. Fourth graders are inexorably connected to the concept of fairness. They will spout off loudly and at length the moment that anything does not appear to be "fair." For most fourth graders, this means that they are not getting the same amount of attention or ice cream - whether they had done anything to deserve attention or ice cream or not. The idea that we might all get something just a little different and things could still work out for the good of the whole causes the gears in their little heads to grind a little harder.
What about Paris Hilton? Is it fair that Paris Hilton is in jail? She left the MTV Movie Awards on Sunday afternoon, then traded her strapless designer gown for a jail-issue jumpsuit and a solitary cell. She will be serving twenty-three days for violating her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case. Al Gore's Internet is full of folks who will tell you that she is being treated unfairly, or at the very least she is being treated as a scapegoat for other celebrity offenders.
But is everyone getting what they need? I have to imagine the national catharsis provided by sending Ms. Hilton to the hoosegow is obviously substantial enough to make up for any suffering endured by her royal smartypants. Show business as a whole, from "Us" magazine to Larry King will have something to divert us from the day's death and grief and sorrow and murder. Paris will get three square meals a day, an hour of recreation and TV viewing, and a nice orange jump suit. Sounds fair to me.