On Compnay Time

Most of what I know came from television. I know that dropping an anvil on your enemy's head is bound to come back at you in such terrible velocity that it's best left for coyotes and lisping cats. I know that mortals exposed to witchcraft tend to exhibit stress by shouting out of the pulled down corners of their mouths. I also know that workplace romances will end so miserably that you might have wished for that anvil instead after all.
Let's take a look at some prime examples: Sam and Diane on "Cheers". As John Cleese suggested when he guested as a marriage counselor Doctor Simon Finch-Royce, "OK. Sam, Diane, you two are perfect together. I'm sorry I made a mistake before but you are the most perfectly matched couple ever. But, why am I telling this to you? Let's share it with the rest of the world. Hear this, world! The rest of you can stop getting married! It's been done to perfection! Envy them, sofa, envy them, chair, for you shall never be as cozy as they for their union shall be an epoch-shattering success and I STAKE MY LIFE ON IT. Wait a moment, let me get this on record! 'I, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, being of sound mind and body declare that Sam and Diane shall be happy together throughout all eternity and if I am wrong I promise I will take my own life in the most disgusting manner possible.' Here, take the tape, NO, take the whole machine. It's my wedding gift to you. The most perfect couple since the DAWN of TIME." With that withering bit of sarcasm, Sam and Diane's romance lasted five more episodes and by the time the next season rolled around, Diane was gone.
What about Hawkeye and Hot Lips? That was a mistake. Come to think of it, Hot Lips and just about anyone was a mistake. Dave and Maddie on "Moonlighting"? Once they did the wild thing there was no mystery, no allure. They even had to bring Mark Harmon on to make it through their last season. What about those lovebirds on "The Office"? There is a reason why there is a category on Jump The Shark.com called "They Did It". We're not tuning in to watch healthy, fulfilling relationships. We want to see a train wreck. There's no more sure way to bring that on than by "dipping you pen in the company ink."
I know this because I've lived through a few. Not that I wouldn't have gotten involved back in my free-wheeling bachelor days, otherwise known as "the decade of celibacy", but I didn't have much luck enticing anyone into coming along for the ride. No, my experience was primarily in dealing with the fallout of corporate carnal knowledge. "Would you please tell her that I'm not coming in today?" "You can tell him that I will be using all of my sick days this month." Even worse, when I worked at Arby's, there were two couples that served as the management team. This was a place that combined heavy drinking, drug use, and very sharp knives. Add a heapin' helpin' of sexual tension on top of that, and you've got the makings of a real fun weekend.
Again, when I think about it, I believe I would have preferred the anvil.