Strife

 I spent half an hour this past Tuesday afternoon unraveling the strained relationship between two third grade girls. Initially I thought the conflict was between the two girls who initially entered the office. After a few minutes of histrionics from one of them, I understood that she wasn't specifically involved in whatever social slight had occurred. She was just there, loudly advocating for her friend's hurt feelings. Once deep breaths had been taken by all concerned, she was sent on her way.

At this point, I interviewed the lone allegedly offended young lady. She was upset because yet another third grade girl had not offered her any gum. 

I asked if she knew the school rule prohibiting gum and candy. This was not the line of questioning that she wanted to pursue, so she plowed ahead with her tale of wounded feelings and ostracization. After being denied her piece of gum, this other girl turned to still another third grade girl and whispered something. 

Something that must obviously have been salacious and rude and hurtful. 

I wondered out loud once again if there had been no gum involved if any of this would have happened. 

No response. 

So I called for the offending party to come to the office. When she arrived, I had her sit down and recount the events that led to the squabble that was keeping anything resembling pleasant after school activities from happening. Hers was not tremendously different from the initial tale of woe that I had heard, but somehow the one proffering the gum became the victim. She was only consorting with her friends because she was worried that "something" would happen. 

I asked her if any of this would have happened if there had been no gum. I was surprised at the length and breadth of the response to what I had imagined was a yes or no question. There were far too many young feelings on the block already and there would be no quick resolution. I allowed the two of them to rehash their versions one more time, asking that each listen to the other as they ran through it. When that was done, I asked if either one could point out any significant difference between the two. 

As it turned out, the answer was "not really." I told them that I could not imagine a reality in which this quarrel existed without the gum. After some mild prodding, neither could they. Nor could they come up with a reason for the two of them to sit in the office any longer when the rest of the third grade was outside enjoying the afternoon sun. "You don't have to be best friends," I reminded them for the sake of my repeating my own philosophy, "but you do have to get along."

There was a moment when each of them began to raise an objection, but the look on my face must have told them that this particular dispute was over. They were going to have to go back outside and pretend to get along until the next perceived slight. 

I hoped to be most of the way home on my bike before that happened.