Auto Asphyxia

 There was a time, not too long ago, when I would have celebrated the sales pitch of an American President for electric cars. 

Things change. 

The terribly awkward ersatz Joe Girard moment came in front of The Incredibly White House last Thursday and featured a man who has been convicted of business fraud attempting to sell the world a car made by the company owned by Elongated Mush. It came in the guise of the former game show host "buying" a Model S from the guy who has seen his tax records. 

Platitudes rained down, about how beautiful the car was and what a great patriot Mush is. Later, the twice-impeached "president" wrote, “Elon Musk is ‘putting it on the line’ in order to help our Nation, and he is doing a FANTASTIC JOB! But the Radical Left Lunatics, as they often do, are trying to illegally and collusively boycott Tesla, one of the World’s great automakers, and Elon’s ‘baby,’ in order to attack and do harm to Elon, and everything he stands for.”

This comes at a time when Tesla stock has dropped nearly forty percent since the installation of Mush's DOGE chainsaw attack on our country's financials. It should be noted that a vast majority of the cuts made by the DOGErs have either been held up in court or proven to be lies. Buy a car from the world's richest man to show your support for America. 

And best of all, Elongated Mush keeps trotting out his clone, little RGuPlehX-9 Mush, for yet another creepily modulated press event. He was able to keep his finger out of his nose during this photo op. 

I confess that I flinched a bit when I saw Joe Biden rev up his Corvette Stingray with Jay Leno. I had a similar reaction to seeing Barack Obama and his pal Bruce Springsteen roaring off into the distance in another Corvette, much to the ire of Secret Service agents. 

Why not drive an electric car? 

Now I can see the whole thing in perspective: None of it makes any sense. The future is not ours. I surrender to the bizarre and impossible to predict timestream in which I find myself. 

Boycott Tesla. Buy an electric car. You don't have to enjoy it. And don't pick your nose. People are watching.