The Final Frontier

 On Tuesday, Jeff Bezos will attempt to do what a universe full of Romulans, Klingons and over-cooked pizza could not do: Kill Captain James T. Kirk. I truly appreciate the fact that the BBC account of this escapade feels honor-bound to introduce this galactic folly with this slug: "The actor who played Captain Kirk in the Star Trek series is set to embark on a real-life journey into space." Yes, after years of traipsing about on various TV and movie sets created to simulate the appearance of space, The ninety year old Canadian actor will live out every fan-boy's dream by strapping himself into the questionably shaped rocket and taking a ride into what will be something short of a five year mission to explore the very rim of Earth's atmosphere. To boldly go where a whole bunch of men and women and chimps have already gone before. 

Part of me would like this to be a big deal. I can remember the excitement I felt when NASA rolled the Space Shuttle Enterprise off the assembly line into the light of what we all hoped would be a new day. That was back in 1976. The BBC would probably want me to mention that it was a great portion of the cast of the television show that featured a pretend space ship with the same name assembled to celebrate the launch of this practice version of what would turn out to be a very versatile space truck. I looked forward to a future in which the ideals of generations of star trekkers held dear would be spread into the galaxy. Or at least earth orbit. 

It should be noted that William Shatner, Canadian actor, did not attend the festivities of that long-ago unveiling. It could be that he was busy filming Kingdom of the Spiders. Or it might have been that he was working with his horses. Or perhaps he was not willing to share the spotlight with his science officer, ship's doctor, and all those helmsmen. He is a Starfleet officer, after all, and not subject to all the rules and regulations that might bind those under his command. 

Except that James T. Kirk is a fictional character. He did not command a starship any more than Mel Gibson freed Scotland. Which somehow still qualifies him for a seat on the next Amazon-funded joyride into the upper atmosphere. If this trend holds true, we can expect invitations from Mister Bezos to be extended to Tom Hanks, Mark Hammill and we can only assume Patrick Stewart. 

Meanwhile, you can pick up a new Sonicare toothbrush for a song on Amazon, and help the next celebrity space imposter find his or her way to the stars.