For The Most Part

 What constitutes "happily ever after?" Five years? Twenty? Forever?

I am currently at that sweet spot in which I have been in this relationship for just about as long as I wasn't. Half of my life has been spent living with the same woman. Partner. Wife. Friend. Depending on how I tell the story, you could be given the impression that when I was reunited with this girl I knew in high school at a friend's wedding, we lived "happily ever after."

I bring this up because I am acutely aware of the stress my son feels when he looks at his approaching twenty-fifth birthday with shock and dismay, figuring that he would have all this coupling figured out by now. And I have to tell him that being happy is really the trick. The ever after will just have to take care of itself. 

More than half of my life ago, my therapist told me that people fall in love lots of times. She added, "you're lucky if you happen to fall in love with the same person over and over." On that score, I have been very lucky. The strains and groans of everyday life have definitely taken their toll at times, but the opportunity to find a little spark of magic in a place you might have imagined had gone dark years before is the type of thing about which sonnets are written. Driving down the highway we call life with the same person fussing about which radio station we should be listening to year after year has a comfort that should not be dismissed. The familiarity of knowing that eventually she won't turn down that song by Rush is sweetness that can only be savored after years of passing that same mile marker dozens of times. 

Still, I don't know if I have a way of communicating to my son that the same can be said for those moments when things go sideways. When voices get raised and tempers flare it is often a function of that same familiarity that brings on all the sweetness. Early on in the relationship that would grow up to be my marriage, I obsessed over every disagreement and the slightest friction. If we were really creating a fairy tale ending, how could this discord exist? 

It's a percentage of the time spent building that castle in the sky. There are days that I wish we could have back, but far more that I wish that I could revisit for their wonderment. 

The other day, a young couple dropped by our house to take a look at the piano we are giving away to make room for the baby grand my mother is giving us. Amanda and JD were enthused by the opportunity to own a great big piece of wood because it would match all those pieces of wood in the house they had just bought together. They called each other "babe," and seemed thrilled by every interaction they had with one another. When they left, I asked my wife, "Were we ever that young?"

Of course we were. And I imagine that Amanda and JD will eventually have to have a discussion about their joint checking account that will not be as sparkling an interchange. Or maybe it will be. I hope they live happily ever after. I have. 

For the most part.