Saturday, October 27, 2018

What Price Glory?

Who do I believe won the one and a half billion dollar Mega Millions Jackpot?
Doctor Evil.
Austin Powers' arch-enemy is precisely the kind of math genius that I would expect to be the recipient of all that money. Then the discussion about just how to take it all in can begin. Would you rather have the whole one and a half billion (nine zeros) over time, or take a single cash payout of eight hundred seventy-eight million dollars? As a point of scale, you could pay the fine owed by Michael Avenati's law firm eighty-seven times and still have eight million dollars to pay down some of his back taxes.
Or maybe you could buy a few F-22 Raptors. You would still have a little left over to buy some fuel and a pilot. Or buy yourself flying lessons. And a few dozen air sickness bags.
I have a friend with whom I have joked with, over the years, about the ability to buy the world a Coke. Since I have given up that brown elixir for health reasons, I might instead choose to teach the world to sing. At around twenty dollars for a half hour lesson, I don't think I could get everyone in, but maybe if they came in groups of three or four, we could get it done. This might affect that perfect harmony, but we could give it a shot.
All that money is, reportedly, a chore to handle. We have all heard stories about the burden of being a brand new gazillionaire. Suddenly everyone is suddenly your friend or relative, and every one of those has a hand out. In this case, you could toss a thousand dollars at a million people and still have half a billion dollars to waste on yourself.
Over time.
If you were silly enough to choose that cash option, your choices would be limited by six hundred million dollars or so. Fewer singing lessons. Fewer cans of Coke. Only a couple of Raptors.
Or maybe do some serious damage to that Dollar Menu at Taco Bell.

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