Friday, October 26, 2018

Infinite Combinations? Thank You, No

Milk's favorite cookie.
The reason I don't mind sitting for fifteen minutes in the canteen after I donate blood.
The number one selling cookie in the United States.
Why mess with it?
I ask this because of Pumpkin Spice Oreos. Mini Oreos. Football shaped Oreos. Double Stuf Oreos. Big Stuf Oreos. Mega Stuf Oreos. Golden Mega Stuf Oreos. And the list goes on. Triple Double Oreo. Triple Double Neapolitan Oreos. Triple Double Chocolate Mint Oreos. 
As you can see, we have begun to stray far afield from the traditional  creme filled chocolate cookie sandwich. Orange Ice Cream? Blueberry Ice Cream? This is not Baskin Robbins, this is Nabisco. Or Mondelez International, if you're keeping corporate score. Before that, they were one of the Philip Morris Companies, but since milk doesn't have a favorite cigarette, things got shuffled. 
It has only been in the past ten years or so that this need to generate permutations of a favorite. With the possible exception of the amount of "Stuf" inside, Oreos have been pretty much the same for more than one hundred years. 
Why are we suddenly so challenged by our snack food attention? 
I can remember when I went to work at Arby's, back in the mid-eighties. I was a happy and proud purveyor of America's Roast Beef, Yes Sir! I became proficient at making the basic menu of sandwiches: Junior, Regular and the Super. Each came on a bun regulated by its name and size, and the Beef 'n'Cheddar with it's onion bun and cheese goop required mild additional attention. For those who showed up at a roast beef restaurant craving something other than roast beef, we offered the Hamchy (microwaved ham and Swiss cheese) and the Turkey (a cold sandwich without a clever name). Somewhere in my third year of working in the brown polyester world of fast food, it became important to create more variety in the menu. That's when the Subs showed up. Not long after that, we brought in a fryer for boiling chicken planks in grease. Not long after that, I left that world for good. I could not abide by all of those non-beef items being sold under the guise of Arby's. 
I have a similar feeling as I stand in the cookie aisle and look at all those "Oreos." 
What hath we wrought?

No comments: