Dear American People,
As the personal and intimate care physician of one Donald J. Trump, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you all that I have no doubt that this man is unequivocally the healthiest individual to ever be elected to the presidency.
Furthermore, I have found his physical strength and stamina to be extraordinary, and I would not be surprised to discover that his genes are the same ones that were descended from Charlemagne and Napoleon. Only taller.
He can leap tall buildings in a single bound. He is more powerful than a speeding locomotive. He possesses the proportionate strength and agility of a spider. He can add three six digit numbers without using scratch paper.
I guess what I am saying here is that, as a doctor, I cannot imagine a more exquisite being on this planet. His is the kind of fitness that Schwarzenegger and Stallone (personal friends of the patient) could only aspire to. He is truly a god among men.
As a matter of fact, I may be understating things here. This man's physical attributes in all categories are off the chart. If you know what I mean, ladies. Not that he has any need to brag, but if it's true then it's really not bragging, is it?
So much winning will be possible with this man as president. We will all get tired of the winning that will happen because there will be so much of it. You can trust me on this, because I am a doctor, after all.
And did I mention that he is an extraordinary judge of others' talents and abilities? Because he is. Since his such an amazing specimen in both mind and body, he cannot tolerate being around anyone who is not as eminently suited for the office he has been selected. That is why his offspring will be so vital to his administration, since they are the only ones genetically suited to keeping up with this amazing man.
I have begun to believe that I should consider resigning from the practice of medicine, for I have been to the mountain and I have looked up, not down, to see the epitome of all that is and shall ever be as far as things that doctors can see in one person. With really big hands.
Donald Trump's Doctor