It's A Tie!

What does it mean to be "presidential?" Is it the bearing? Is it the discipline? Is it the tie? It's got to be the tie!
We all know how the level of discretion in the current administration is as low as the approval ratings for that particular group, but the shell game being played with reality is numbing to say the least. Remember when we were worried about Vladimir Putin meddling in our elections? Remember when we were worried about starting a nuclear war with North Korea? Remember when we were worried about the number of white supremacists advising the "President?" Remember when aliens landed and offered us a cure for global warming but were sent away because the "President" had a ten o'clock tee time?
Ah yes. Those were the days.
Keeping track of the scandal du jour is as challenging as keeping track of the starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. Amid all the hiring and firing and tweets and rants, the picture begins to emerge of a house on fire. Save the paintings! Save the dog! Wait, we don't have a dog! Save the ties! The desperate clinging to replace and repeal, the wall, and six foot ties means that when real life intrudes, the powers that be have to scramble to find a way to get us to look at a stock market that continues to rise against all ordinary expectations.
"Don't pay any attention to that man behind the curtain!"
And yet we feel to slow down and watch each new train wreck in all its gory detail. "I said his name! I have proof!" Why would we doubt his word?
Oh. That's right. The tie.
And now he wants us to focus on the recently declassified documents about the assassination of John F. Kennedy. What better conspiracy-laden imbroglio than the murder of JFK to distract us all from the mess going on currently in Washington? His Orangey Goodness tweeted, "Subject to the receipt of further information, I will be allowing, as President, the long blocked and classified JFK FILES to be opened." Since this turns out to be more of a non-act than an actual effort on his part, it makes complete sense. Maybe at long last we'll have and answer to some of those burning questions, like "Why did Kennedy prefer a single to a full Windsor?" 
And can we get those aliens back, please?