Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Mars Attacks

A few years back, a colleague suggested to me that I might be suffering from NES - Night Eating Disorder. It was suggested that my fondness for consuming mass quantities of peanut M&Ms was part of the trouble I was having with sleep and maintaining an overall happy vision of life as it rolled out in front of me.
Turns out I was just trying to save the world.
This was back when our grocery list included peanut M&Ms as a staple, right up there with frozen pizza. When it was discovered that these candies could be purchased in pillowcase sized sacks called "pounders," I looked on this as a challenge. At the end of a hard day, I would sit in front of my computer and answer email, engage in a variety of online time sinks, and consume peanut M&Ms. And all the while I was saving the world.
As it turns out, you see, Mars Incorporated (the makers of peanut M&Ms and a great many other delicious candy treats (was busy building a massive war chest that would eventually be used to fund the fight against climate change. My contributions helped generate part of the one billion dollars the candy folks are contributing to sustainability.
One billion dollars. That's a figure that might give Doctor Evil pause. Who would have guessed that Skittles and Snickers and yes, peanut M&Ms would be the thing that brought us to this momentous occasion? My wife wasn't buying it. Not at first.
"You mean they're going to find some way to weasel out of their responsibility for global warming and throw blame on someone else."
No. They are interested in supporting sustainable agriculture and renewable energy. Which makes a lot of sense, since the end of the world would be catastrophic for candy sales, eventually. Initially it might be great, since a lot of people would be happy to cast their dietary regimen aside for one last binge before we turn into a burned out husk of a planet, but then the gravy train pretty much stops. And that would be a bummer for everyone involved in this particular food chain.
Which leaves me at a bit of a crossroads. I want to be around forever, but I also enjoy my peanut M&Ms. I would probably live longer and be able to see more of the future supplied by this initiative if I ate more kale and avoided gorging myself on chocolate covered peanuts encased in a colorful candy shell. But I also want to save the world.
What's a guy to do?

1 comment:

Krs10 said...

Thank you for the link. I was skeptical at first when you said Mars was spending a cool bil on "research." Which often, for a corporation, means, "let's keep looking for ways to argue against the overwhelming research that already shows we are destroying the planet." BUT with that handy-dandy link I could see that no, the money is actually being spent on application of science, well, I am ALL IN and will help you pound those pounders.

We'll just kick that whole sustainable health question down the road... because eventually Mars will start adding vitamins to their treats...