Tuesday, March 22, 2016

In Search Of...

The headline, "Was Jesus Really Nailed To The  Cross?" was most certainly click-bait. What do the scholars say? I need to know, especially with Good Friday coming up. Well, I guess the truth is this: I don't really need to know since this particular mystery is more than two thousand years old. It made me think of that long forgotten forensic masterpiece, In Search Of Historic Jesus. Back in 1979, I was lead to believe that all the questions surrounding the Prince of Peace had been resolved. Sunn Classic Pictures had already blown the lid of that whole Noah's Ark thing three years before, so I couldn't imagine a better source for the Truth. If that weren't enough, this is the studio that brought us Grizzly Adams, for Heaven's sake. Maybe it was the beards.
Whatever the reason, back in the twentieth century, I thought we had this all figured out. The history of Jesus, Noah and a certain Mister Adams was already established. Why question the doctrine, rated G for General Audiences, of a company run from God Central, Salt Lake City. Yes, there was an ark, and it came to rest on Mount Ararat in Turkey. No fossilized unicorn remains were found on board, so that question was answered as well. Jesus was found not far away, or at least the blanket in which he was buried. What other proof would one need to know everything about the King of Kings? And if that weren't enough, Sunn Pictures helped prove, beyond a shadow  of a doubt, that Grizzly Adams was framed.
It  could be that the recent passing of Dan Haggerty may have caused us all to reexamine our beliefs. What if that was just some other big boat that pranksters parked on the side of that Turkish mountain? And what if Grizzly Adams was a troubled man with an unnatural attraction to bears? And what if Jesus was a really nice guy with a lot of good ideas who was persecuted and tortured by those who didn't understand him, but he wasn't nailed to a cross?
I blame CSI. Meredith J.C. Warren (her real initials) of the University of Sheffield insists there is little evidence to back up the whole nail thing. Which is unfortunate, since it takes away a great many punch lines and expressions that get a lot of play at this time of year. And if you're feeling just a little bad or blasphemous right now about reading this blog, I'll be happy to take on that sin. I'll be looking for forgiveness for a whole lot of things eventually, like trying to figure out why they call it Good Friday without asking the guy they nailed to the tree. Or didn't.

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