Last week was a pretty tough one. The deaths of Lauren Bacall and the already much discussed Robin Williams would be significant enough, but that was just the pop culture icing on the cake that included the continued strife in the Middle East and North Korea lobbing missiles around while the Pope was visiting South Korea. It wasn't a fun one. Thank heaven that it included some good news.
I received an e-mail from Ms. Elizabeth Johnson, on behalf of the Financial Intelligence Centre, letting me know that they "have been working towards the eradication of fraudsters and scam Artists in Africa with the help of the Organization of African Unity (OAU) United Nations (UN), European Union (EU) and the International Monetary Fund (IMF) and FBI." I have no reason to doubt Ms. Johnson, since she's obviously on the up and up, since she spells "Center" with the "e" at the end. That along with the fact that she's working with all those acronyms, it looks like there's finally going to be some action here. Their goal is to share all the money that has been recovered from all these scam artists to the victims around the world. There is a problem however, as Ms. Johnson explains: "...identifying each victim is a huge task, based on these, the committee decided to carry out a computer random draws." My e-mail just happened to come up on one of the had disks of the scammers, so it turns out it's my lucky day!
How lucky? "(M)aybe you have been scammed or not, you are therefore being compensated with the sum of $320,000.00 USD(Three hundred and twenty thousand united states dollars)." Again, who could doubt the sincerity of someone who takes the time to spell out the number of dollars that I am eligible to receive except the most sincere and committed government employee? Not only that, "We have also arrested some of those who claim that they are barristers, bank officials, Lottery Agents who has been sending you SMS on your phone that you have won a lottery which does not exist." Wow! Good work, FBI-IMF-UN-EU-MOUSE! Now all I have to do is wait for that payment to make its way to me on a pre-loaded ATM, Visa card. Well, first of all I need to contact a Mr. Rain Ado, Transaction Manager, who needs just my full name, postal address, age, occupation, and cell phone number in order to send that great big chunk of money on its way to me, where it belongs.
Wait a second. I was all comfortable dealing with Ms. Johnson. Now they want me to start connecting with "Rain?" Isn't this what got me into trouble in the first place, back when I sent that money order to Nigeria to some guy named "Mister Ado?" Wait. That wasn't me. I never sent anyone anything, so I would really be getting something for nothing. If I didn't know better, I would think this is some sort of scam. I'm glad that I've got Elizabeth Johnson looking out for me. That hundred and fifty dollars to pay for the shipping on my ATM Visa card will be totally worth it.