There's a lot of talk out there about what it takes to be the owner of a professional basketball franchise. Currently, there are eight prime candidates for that job in the Los Angeles area. The Clippers, of the National Basketball Association, are looking for a few good men or women who would like to pay a whole boatload of money to be able to sit wherever the heck they want in the Staples Center. These seats will be nowhere near those of Donald Sterling, who like Elvis, has left the building.
Back to the qualifications of the next owner of the Clippers: Number one should be a certain amount of racial and cultural sensitivity. Mister Sterling seemed to be missing this particular quality. Number two would be the ability to fake that racial and cultural sensitivity, in a pinch, something that Mister Sterling was able to do. He had the NAACP pretty well fooled. Number three, if you've got a predisposition to offensive rants against large groups who happen not only to make up your fan base but your own team, try and keep them private. This goes back to the boatloads of money mentioned previously. If your wallet is fat enough to spare a few million dollars for limousines and fines of various kinds, save a little aside to pay off the guys from TMZ who happen to have access to the tapes made by your disgruntled girlfriend who just happens to be a part of that same group that you were busy defaming just a couple of sentences ago.
How about Floyd Mayweather Jr.? He's an athlete, and he has about a kerjillion dollars to spend, so he looks pretty well suited to the job. More than Frankie Muniz, who looks to be a big fan but maybe not as superrich as we might expect from the time he spent with Walter White. And he's white. Magic Johnson is not. So much so that Donald Sterling was particularly incensed by his girlfriend's connection to the living legend that is Magic. And he's almost got Diddy money. Why not go straight to the Diddy then? Sean "Peanutty Goodness" Combs claims to be a Knicks fan, but business is business.
I could go on and on, but if it can't be Oprah. She's got Diddy and Magic money. She gets apologies from racists. And last I checked, she knew how to keep her girlfriend happy. But here's the bottom line for me: I just don't want Donald Sterling to make any money off of this. That's why I'll be happy to take the job. I don't have Oprahdiddy money, but I will promise to not reward that pinhead Sterling with anything but my Subway Eat Fresh Club card. Which is probably more than he deserves.