Why Bruce Willis Is A Skate Punk

It's the trouble with being in the one percent: It's so much easier to hear all that whining from the other ninety-nine. "We're cold. We're poor. We can't afford a gallon of gas. We're tired from working so hard." Well, we think we've got it tough, why not take a minute to consider the struggles of some of our more fortunate friends.
Sylvester Stallone recently announced that he was making a casting change for his new film, "Expendables 3." First of all, this news comes as quite a relief to those of us who were confounded by all those loose threads left over from the previous two installments. Secondly, Sly is offering his pals in the aging action hero community a chance to ply their craft. It's good to see Dolph, Jean-Claude, and even Arnold out there cracking heads and blasting away at bad guys, just like the old days. With all this largesse, you would think these guys would be grateful. Well, not Bruce Willis. Mister Stallone tweeted, regarding the departure of his Planet Hollywood partner from the all-star lineup, "GREEDY AND LAZY ….. A SURE FORMULA FOR CAREER FAILURE." Since when do these guys do it for the paycheck? I thought they were in it for the art. That and the fifteen dollar cheeseburgers. 
Meanwhile, across the country in the quiet little village of Litchfield, Connecticut, one of the residents would like somebody to do something about those darn kids and their noisy skateboard park. The town is looking into moving the park, but first it's trying to muffle the noise by enclosing the sides of the metal skate ramps, stuffing the jumps with Styrofoam and putting up soundproofing fabric on a fence, said First Selectman Gerald Stomski. The park hours were also reduced and it is closed on Sundays. The offended party? Rob Zombie, rock and roll singer and director of such films as "The Devil's Rejects" and "House of 1000 Corpses." It's understandable why Mister Zombie would want a little peace and quiet in his own home after disturbing the peace of so many others. It's the neighborly thing to do, especially if you happen to be Montgomery Burns.
So, don't forget: Expendables 3 opens in August of 2014, and Rob Zombie's The Lords of Salem is available now on Blu-Ray. Help ease these guys' pain.