The Final Count

As relieved as I may be not to have to live in a country run by a president named after a piece of sports equipment, I can't find it in my heart to sneer at the sincere efforts made by Mitt and his running mate Paul to win the race. They worked hard, won a debate, won some more votes, but ultimately this wasn't their time. There has been plenty of hand-wringing and grumbling about this "Electoral College," and why couldn't we just go ahead and make it the popularity contest that we all secretly want it to be. One man, one vote, right? Okay, if you insist: One man or woman, one vote.
In this case, it would have taken a few more days to get things settled, but it still would have turned out the way the electorals had it. One they finished playing shuffleboard and the Canasta games were over down in Florida, and all those missing ballots were rounded up in Ohio, it was just like the Grinch and Christmas. He didn't stop Christmas from coming. It came just the same. In this model, of course, the Grinch will be played by Karl Rove.
Sputtering and fussing and spewing invective, Karl was every bit the picker of nits. As the rest of the country closed in around him, he wanted to make sure that every "good, suburban Republican" vote was counted. Good news, Karl. It's over now: Obama won. Romney came in second. The good news is that he outperformed Rosanne Barr. The bad news is that all the Whos down in Whoville starting singing. Even without your permission. It could be that it was at that moment that Karl's tiny heart grew three sizes. Or maybe it continued to collapse in on itself, like a black hole. Whatever the relative size of his internal organs, he will have to content himself with making excuses for losing an election to a guy who ran on eight percent unemployment and a staggering national debt. The most ironic of those seem to be voter suppression and dirty tricks. Then, of course, there's those women. The little dears voted by the dozens to keep their private parts private, as well as telling the rest of the world that they, like so many Americans who aren't found in those "good, suburban Republican" neighborhoods need to be counted. Suppressed the vote? He keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means. The numbers, meanwhile, don't lie. And maybe that's why Karl seemed so confused.