Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Legal Fees

I'm a big fan of litigation. More to the point: I tend to keep an eye on who is suing whom as a bellwether for future trends. It also tells me whose legal team to avoid, and whose coattails I may decide to ride on once the cash starts to roll in. This past weekend I had a couple to choose from: Bret Michaels and Ken Lanci.
First, let's get to know our players. Bret you probably know from his years as the bandanna-wearing singer of Poison, or from his seemingly endless search for love and purpose in reality television. The reality of his television experience has left him battered, bruised, and ready to rock, but unable to forgive the Tony Awards for dropping a piece of scenery on him when he showed up on their stage back in 2009. Six months later, he was hospitalized with a brain hemorrhage. I have long been concerned about the detrimental effects of show tunes, and now we have some proof. Bret is suing CBS and the Tony Awards for trying to decapitate him. This still didn't keep him from being named the winner of "Celebrity Apprentice Three," as he was able to hobble into the Donald's office long enough to hear those magical words: "You're Hired." Either he had some sense knocked into him, or Mister Trump was showing off his heretofore unknown sentimental side.
If you don't know Ken Lanci, you probably don't live in Cuyahoga County. Ken is fed up with the way the National Football League is treating him and the rest of the fans. "It's a fight between billionaires and millionaires. There isn't any sympathy for multi-millionaires. It's just not going to happen. And somebody has to stand up and say, 'Enough's enough.'" That guy is multi-millionaire Ken Lanci. He wants his personal seat license money back from the Cleveland Browns. And whatever unspecified damages the court feels would be appropriate after that. I'm not an attorney, nor do I play one on TV, but I think Mister Lanci's grievance would carry a lot more weight if he would have been clocked in the head by an errant dog biscuit from the Dog Pound.

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