Saturday, October 16, 2010

Watch Where You Swing That Price Club

If, as Newt "So Silly A Name That A Nickname Is Unnecessary" Gingrich insists, Democrats are the food stamp party, where does that leave Wal-Mart? Those courageous retailers who have lead the fight to keep our families fed, even if it is via the variety four-pack of Pringles. There's a battle being waged out there, and the friendly folks at Wal-Mart want to make it safe for you and yours to put one more meal on the table. Unless it starts eating into their profits.
A few months ago, the great blue beast that is Wal-Mart started a campaign of "rolling back" its already low prices. There would be bargains on top of bargains, and who would be foolish enough to turn down a deal like a six pack of Lipton's sweetened iced tea mix for just thirty-one dollars and ninety-eight cents? You'd have to be crazy to miss out on an offer like that. And while you're there, you should probably pick up a few items that you really don't need.
That's how they roll: back. They don't make any money on the stuff that they sell for next to nothing, but hope that you'll stick around long enough to purchase enough "impulse buys" to make the trip worth their while. Like that forty ounce bottle of Heinz ketchup, for example. Except that's not what consumers have been consuming. They have the temerity to buy only those items that have been rolled ridiculously back, and then fled. There have been unconfirmed reports of blue-vested employees chasing customers out into the parking lot, ranting about the deals that they are missing and pleading with them to purchase just one more twelve pack of Rayovac D cell batteries. Even though the recession is over, there are just so many D cell batteries that your average family of four can use in a month.
And so Wal-Mart will no longer be rolling back prices. You might pay a little more for that case of Wilson Titanium tennis balls, but at least you'll have your self-respect. It's all a part of Wal-Mart's new "Build Your Self-Esteem By Buying Junk You Don't Need At Inflated Prices" program. I smell a winner.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"Build Your Self-Esteem By Buying Junk Made in China You Don't Need At Inflated Prices"