Strict Interpretive Dance

Rule 12, Section 3, Article 1(d) prohibits players "from engaging in any celebrations while on the ground," also known as unsportsmanlike conduct or excessive celebration. That's what the National Football, or "No Fun" League officials will tell you when you commence to cavort about the end zone after a touchdown, or dance like a maniac over the prone body of your mortal enemy, the opposing quarterback. It is what distinguishes professional football from Championship Wrestling. For the record, a flying chest bump is within the rules, but if you happen to fall down while attempting such a risky maneuver, it will cost your team fifteen yards. That's what happened to the Dallas Cowboys' Marc Colombo, after he missed the rather sizable target that is Jason Witten's chest. He fell to the ground, a flag was thrown, and the subsequent penalty helped the Tennessee Titans set up for their winning score. Incidentally, he was also flagged for unnecessary roughness, an ironic term in a contact sport, and the league office decided to fine him five thousand dollars. It was not Mister Colombo's week. This is a guy who, in his spare time, is the lead singer for heavy metal group "Free Reign." Maybe he should have saved up all that fury for the stage.

Or not. He's a big guy playing a game with a bunch of other big guys and things get pretty exciting out there sometimes. I confess I have always appreciated Vince Lombardi's suggestion that if you happen to make it to the end zone, "act like you've been there before." For this reason, I thought that Terrell Davis' "Mile High Salute" was a nicely understated acknowledgement of the reason he was on the football field in the first place: the fans. Then there was the other infamous Bronco end zone celebration, when Godwin Turk spiked a ball so hard that he dislocated his shoulder, keeping him out of the lineup when Denver went to the Super Bowl for the first time. Self-penalizing.

That was back in the days when the exuberance flowed a little more freely, before the highly choreographed displays of Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco. Dancing with the Stars, indeed. Is football a business? Is it a sport? Is it entertainment? Is it supposed to be any fun? Using Mister Ochocinco's statistics as a starting point, one might guess that he will continue to misbehave when he scores, since he's been there more than sixty times as a professional, and maybe that's just how he acts when he gets there. Go figure.