At the risk of politicizing what should be a scientific discussion, the Supreme Court has ruled that that U.S. environmental officials have the power to regulate greenhouse gas emissions that spur global warming. This begins to cave in the arguments among a certain contingent of Americans (such as President Pinhead) who do not believe that such things exist. Admittedly it was a close vote - five to four - but if the Supreme Court is even discussing such matters, global warming must be real.
Pinhead has opposed mandatory controls on greenhouse gases as harmful to the U.S. economy, and the administration instead has called for voluntary programs. These voluntary programs, wherein industry was asked to pinky-swear that they would regulate itself since a whiny Environmental Protection Agency insisted that it lacked the power to enforce such regulations. "Even if we had the power, it would be unwise to do so and that would impair Pinhead's ability to negotiate with developing nations to cut emissions," the EPA said. The gas in question here was more hot air than carbon dioxide, but now Democrats in Congress can put pressure on lawmakers to push forward with first-ever caps on carbon dioxide emissions. Writing for the majority, Justice John Paul Stevens (formerly the bassist for Led Zeppelin) said the EPA could not avoid its legal obligation by noting the scientific uncertainty surrounding some features of climate change and concluding it would be better not to regulate at this time. The four dissenting justices covered their ears, closed their eyes, and said "Muhmuhmuhmuh, I'm not listening, muhmuhmuhmuh."
Somewhere, Al Gore is dancing around his living room in his underwear, singing into the head of his Oscar to Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock 'n' Roll".