Friday, August 11, 2006

Carrying On

Pity poor Stephen Colbert. Among the various liquids he has grown accustomed to carrying on an airplane are such important items as Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper (which he rightly asserts is actually three liquids in one), and a five gallon can of gasoline (he's seen "Mad Max" and he knows that in the event of a nuclear holocaust that's as good as gold in the post apocalypse world). Me? I would be fine with a can of Coke - some airlines choose Pepsi, which is their constitutionally guaranteed and protected right, but it's not for me.
So the terrorists win again, right? The idea that all bags would have to be checked is outrageous to a world full of people who have become accustomed to having a "smaller version of their stuff" (to paraphrase George Carlin). This little bag is all that comes between you and survival if you end up at the airport without your "real luggage." You've got your laptop, your mp3 player, an extra pair of socks, and the Deluxe Special Edition DVD of "Road House," and half a tin of Altoids (curiously strong). No liquids or gels, sorry. And if you've seen what Mentos can do in contact with Diet Pepsi, I think you know why even the Altoids might raise an alert.
Was all this fuss really necessary? The London police are rightly patting themselves on the back for foiling this most recent plot, but if we had all been paying a little more attention eleven years ago, we might not have been caught with our metaphorical pants around our metaphorical ankles. In 1995, a movie was released called "Die Hard: With a Vengeance." Okay, I know that by the third one, most of the fun had been sucked out, but if you saw the film, you may recall that the bad guy - not exactly a terrorist, more of an extortionist played by Jeremy Irons - blows things up with a series of explosions created by combining two inert liquids. Interesting connection? Perhaps, but consider this: Detective John McClane (Bruce Willis) is aided in this episode by a fellow named Zeus - played by Samuel L. Jackson. So here's what I'm suggesting: Do not waste another second, and start screening every passenger and every piece of luggage for snakes.


mrs. id said...

brilliant suggestion.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad that you've got it all figured out.