Affirmation

Maybe the challenge I have reading self-help books stems from the fact that I wrote one when I was in ninth grade. To be more precise, I didn't know that I was writing anything but "The Great American Novel" (as I so precociously titled my tome). I wrote it as a response to years of humiliation and abuse by my peers, and I expected that only one or two people might read it. As it turns out, I ended up with a readership of a dozen or so - which seemed profound to me since I couldn't imagine anyone else having interest in my insecurities.
I couldn't imagine anybody else poring over forty-two handwritten pages, unless they were mentioned by name. Since I used "Harriet The Spy" as one of my inspirations, there were plenty of names. The trouble was that I had it in my head that I was equipped to judge the characters and motivations of my peers - all of them. To this end, I employed the literary device of a " Voice From The Great Beyond." The Voice said all the things I would never write, much less say, myself. Chief among the Voice's observations was the distinction between "real" and "plastic" people. Once the details of my "novel" got out to my circle of friends, they all clamored after me to be told if they were one or the other. I didn't have the heart to tell them that anyone who bothered with such a distinction was obviously "plastic." In this way I became something of a guru, an oracle to pubescents. I held impromptu "counseling sessions" for those who hoped to find favor in the eyes of the Voice from Beyond. I usually ended up crushing their self-esteem, and they thanked me for it.
Three months later, I attempted a sequel to "The Great American Novel." In it, I threw the curtain back and revealed the sad little man at the controls of the Great and Terrible Voice. What did I know? I was fifteen. Unfortunately, not everyone who read the first one got to see the second, and consequently there may be people out there in their forties, living their lives based on some wild notion I had before I learned how to drive. If this is the case, and you're just finding out not that I am not all I made myself out to be, my apologies. Please return to your life and know that, real or plastic, The Voice From The Great Beyond wants you to know that you're fine, just the way you are.