Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Wrestling with Smoking

Bear wrestling is banned in 20 states, but not in Ohio.
The city of Calabasas, California, voted unanimously night to ban smoking in all outdoor places, including sidewalks and streets, except for small outdoor "smoker outposts."
How are these two items related? They seem to be health related, but perhaps the similarities go deeper than that. Just what sort of legislative body gives up its time to consider such weighty notions?
To view Missouri's Bear Wrestling Proposition is to witness the arcane in action. It is illegal, in the "Show Me State," to "surgically alter a bear for bear wrestling." We pause briefly for the horrible mental images that erupt at that phrase to subside.
We resume: The "smoker outposts" in Calabasas would be established by businesses in areas like parking lots. Smokers can also smoke when no one else is around or expected. "What? You're smoking? Didn't you expect me?" One suspects that there will be absolutely no smoking allowed anywhere near the annual Method Film Festival that will be held there over the next week. Opportunities to smoke will probably come the following week when the Impromptu Film Festival rolls into town.
So, the obvious question would seem to be "Can I smoke after wrestling a bear in Ohio?" Not in Columbus, where at least one bar owner in Columbus added heat lamps to the area behind his business so smokers can stay warm. Churches are adding smoke breaks between bingo games.
Lance Palmer, a 140-pound high school wrestler and four-time state champ, wrestles Caesar, a six hundred and fifty pound black bear. Neither of these creatures smoke, nor does either one of them wear a muzzle while wrestling. "It helps the bear out to not have to keep his mouth closed the whole time," Palmer said. "It's kind of unfair to the bear to keep him muzzled. We want it to be fun. We don't want it to be a sport. That's why the animal activists don't know what they are taking about when they come out here and try and go against what we do."
Will there be Bear Wrestling at the Method Film Festival? Show up on opening night, March 31 to find out!

2 comments:

haywagon said...
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haywagon said...

Amazingly there is only one page on all of Al Gore's enternet that includes both "David Caven" and "Calabasas".