Biscuit

 How are you feeling?

I know, every time you cough, you expect that someone will jump out from behind a mailbox or a desk and try to shove a Q-Tip up your nose. These are not relaxed times in which we find ourselves living.

If you sneeze in public, men gasp. Women faint. Small children run to hide their faces in their mothers' skirts. Unless of course mom has fainted in which case this reaction would have to be amended. 

I used to imagine that every little headache was the onset of brain cancer. That throbbing sensation in my temples is a ticking time bomb, counting down to the moment my head explodes. Now I figure it has to be COVID. 

Each new day brings another opportunity to worry, causing a colleague of mine to wonder aloud if it wouldn't be better simply to go out and breathe it in. Make sure you get a solid dose. Instead of waiting around for what the oracle of virus, Doctor Fauci, assures us is the natural course of things. Omicron "will find just about everybody," he says. 

I'm going to suggest that it's time to work on the good doctor's bedside manner. 

Meanwhile in another dimension, the one we call Faux News, after the departure of Chris Wallace, we are stuck with Geraldo Rivera as the "voice of reason." Geraldo was using his spot as an advocate for vaccination and testing, imploring viewers to imagine the future when we will all look back at this as a terrible chapter in our history. Judge Jeanine rolled her eyes and brushed it off. "Um, yeah. We'll see." 

She's a Judge because she's judgy. And if that doesn't make you sick then you probably don't have to worry about any of the variants of the disease that has killed nearly six million people. 

Meanwhile, I leave you with the wisdom of A.A. Milne, author of Winnie The Pooh, who wrote this scene of motherhood between Kanga and her little boy Roo: 

  “I don’t think Roo had better come,” he said. “Not today.”

  “Why not?” said Roo, who wasn’t supposed to be listening.

  “Nasty cold day,” said Rabbit, shaking his head. “And you were coughing this morning.”

  “How do you know?” asked Roo indignantly.

  “Oh, Roo, you never told me,” said Kanga reproachfully.

  “It was a Biscuit Cough,” said Roo, “not one you tell about.”

Here's hoping all yours are Biscuit Coughs.