"Fake"

How lucky we are to have the benevolent leader looking down over us, keeping track of all the bumps and scrapes along life's highway. He will not let fake news confuse us or deter us from our mission to Make America Subservient Again. He knows the truth, and he will announce it in the most dignified manner possible: through his social media account.
We can take comfort knowing that even though we elected a "President," we have a really smart guy in charge. Someone who can be a better judge than Thurgood Marshall. Someone who can be a better statesman than Winston Churchill. Someone who can be a better detective than Scooby Doo and all his pals rolled together in their Mystery Machine. Benevolent Leader will shine a light on all those things that other bad people are doing so that we can go about our duty to Make America Dull Again. 
The "President" has uncovered plots to foil and muddy his vision, and he isn't afraid to point the finger at anyone who does not share his last name in an effort to put the blame where it belongs: On anyone but him. Like the way he uncovered that "unsolved mystery" that took place in Florida years ago. Donald J'Accuse Trump points his tiny finger at the potential for malfeasance in Joe Scarborough's district office back in 2001. Law enforcement officials concluded at that time that a staff member, Lori Klausutis, whose body was found dead in that office had fainted as a result of an abnormal heart rhythm, which caused her to fall and hit her head on a desk. Never mind that a medical examiner had confirmed this by using science. Science is the very same voodoo that brought us "global warming." Heresy! Not when we are striving so very hard to Make America Dumb Again.
And yet, there are some cracks in Benevolent Leader's facade. Why does he seem so angry all the time? How can he watch all those NFL games to count those disrespectful louts defaming God and Country by not doing as they are told? Why does he get so upset when his sheep don't fall in line? 
Maybe we're not sheep. Maybe we have started to notice that even he puts quotation marks around "fake news," since we have already lived through a prior reality when someone said, "If you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth." Global warming is a "theory." Nazis are "misunderstood." Keep an eye on that punctuation, "Mister President." It's giving you away.