What Me Worry

I used to get seriously creeped out when I read newspaper accounts of UFO sightings. The idea that we here on earth were getting secret visits from beings from another planet was a nerve-wracking prospect. Where were they coming from, and what did they want? Or perhaps most importantly, did they have disintegrator ray guns and did their diet include human brains?
Eventually, this crippling fear diminished, and I was able to look again at the night sky without shuddering. This was accomplished primarily by making a point to no longer read newspaper accounts of UFO sightings. At this point, my paranoia shifted to a more local concern: Bigfoot. Even though Sasquatch is generally considered to be a problem in the Northwest, and I should consider myself fairly safe in the foothills of Boulder, Colorado. But when we went up into the mountains, my mind began to fill with all the possibilities for large, ape-like creatures wandering out of the woods and through the back door of our cabin. I kept an eye out for enormous footprints and my nose open for the expressly pungent odor that would announce the beast's presence.
And now, Nessie is back. A man has captured what Nessie watchers say is possible footage of the supposed mythical creature beneath Scotland's most mysterious lake - Loch Ness. "I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this jet black thing, about 45 feet long, moving fairly fast in the water," said Gordon Holmes, the fifty-five-year-old a lab technician who took the video. And now the questions: What could this thing be? How big could it be? What does it eat? The Scottish media is skeptical of Nessie stories but Holmes' footage is of such good quality that even the normally reticent BBC Scotland aired the video on its main news program Tuesday. Now, instead of worrying about humpback whales getting lost on their way up the California coast, I can start feeling the threat of a migrating Nessie.