Saturday, April 28, 2007

Warped Drive

I have always wanted to pitch this episode of Star Trek - in any of its permutations: As the show opens, we find that the ship is on a collision course for some cataclysmic end, and the valiant crew has only a few precious moments to avert their doom. Just then, a perky red-uniformed "Ensign Victim" type pops up from beneath his console and says, "Hey - isn't this supposed to be plugged in?" When the connection is made, the ship immediately goes back on its proper course and trajectory, all are safe and much relief is felt across the bridge, engineering, and even down in sick bay. Now there are fifty-two minutes left in the episode. That's when the captain looks around him (or her) and says, "This place is a pig sty! We need a cleaning detail up here, pronto!" The rest of the show shows the crew of the ship (or space station) busying themselves with the business of making their ship shine with the aid of a mixture of various high and low-tech assistance.
I thought of this because I read that Scotty (James Doohan without the accent) had his ashes sent into orbit, ten years after Gene Roddenberry's remains achieved a similar honor. In true Scotty fashion, the launch didn't get off without a hitch. UP Aerospace launched the first rocket from their New Mexico desert site in September, but that Spaceloft XL rocket crashed into the desert after spiraling out of control about nine seconds after liftoff. Company officials blamed the failure on a faulty fin design. I think the fault lies in using cheap commercial-grade dilithium crystals.

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