And Of Course, There Will Be Scandal

The FBI is investigating "Painter of Light" Thomas Kinkade. Maybe you'd expect some sort of art forgery scam, or maybe a scheme to move sensitive, confidential government secrets hidden on the backs of colorfully painted canvases. Who doesn't love a messy scandal involving artist types? Men in berets, women in outrageous hats and enormous sunglasses - it could be so interesting. According to reports, the FBI is looking into claims that Kinkade "exploited his Christianity to persuade people to invest in the galleries, which sell only Kinkade's work."
Exploited his Christianity? "These dealers became investors primarily because they were believers in faith, love, family and God, and the paintings reflect those values," said Joseph Ejbeh, a Rochester Hills, Michigan-based attorney. Poor business planning and operations forced the galleries to fail, and the thought was that this was Kinkade's way of devaluing his own company so that he could buy it "on the cheap."
Have you ever seen a Thomas Kinkade painting? Look if you must, but here's a sample of the master's own description of his piece, "Sunrise Chapel: "I've employed my most dramatic color scheme in years to suggest the radiance of God's love. Wispy clouds illuminated by the barely visible sun reflect in the silvery mirror of the brilliant lake waters, announcing the dawn of a new day filled with discovery, hope, and beauty." Ten million American homes have a Thomas Kinkade painting in them. Dewy, sun-dappled, Bible-verse inspired paintings by the truckload.
It all puts me in mind of the commercials I remember from my youth: "Starving artists' sale - Sofa-sized paintings - Prices slashed! Everything must go!" Then I drift lazily to the work of the late, great Bob Ross, he of the "happy little clouds" on PBS's "Joy of Painting" - a sort of Doug Henning for the oil and easel set. Finally, I settle on the images of my earliest memory of oil painting: Morris Katz. We had two of Morris' paintings in our house as I was growing up. They were thick pieces. He may have worked fast, but you got your money by the pound. I was inspired, briefly, to emulate his pallet knife technique in a series of paintings when I was about twelve years old. I went through a few tubes of cadmium yellow trying to get the fires of Hell just right. Maybe I just wasn't exploiting my Christianity.