Not Me

 This is a story about a little orange hen.

The little orange hen lives in the ruins of the Big White House. He works hard all day long: He Plays golf. He looks for worms. He sits in a bush. And sometimes… He lays an egg.

The little orange hen has three friends: a cat, a dog, and a horse. These animals don’t work hard at all.

The cat likes to run his government and maintain alliances. The dog likes to maintain alliances and run his government. And the horse likes to Stay in touch with the country he governs and watch out for global threats. 

One day the little red hen sees what he believes to be a holy war.
“Holy War!” he squeals. “Yum yum yum! We can make a Holy War!”

The little orange hen runs to tell his friends.
“Guys! There's a Holy War over there! I can take the minds of all the voters off all my crimes!”

The dog drools. “No!!”
The cat licks her lips. “Absolutely not!”
The horse flicks his tail.  “What a terrible idea!”

“So… who wants to help me in this Holy War?” asks the little orange hen.

“Not me,” says the dog, “I’m too busy.”
“Not me,” says the cat, “I’m too tired.”
“Not me,” says the horse, “I’m watching TV.”

“Then I will do it myself,” says the little orange hen. So he launches the missiles, one by one, all by himself. 

“Ok, now we need more missiles, and guns, and tanks, and troops,” says the little orange hen. “Who wants to help me get them?”

“Not me,” says the dog, “I’m too busy.”
“Not me,” says the cat, “I’m too tired.”
“Not me,” says the horse, “I’m watching TV.”

“Then I will do it myself,” says the little orange hen. He goes all the way to the cabinet and gets the missiles, and guns. She goes all the way to the Pentagon and gets the tanks, and troops. 

Then he forgets to ask Congress, all by himself. 

“Who wants to help me blow up the girls school?” asks the little orange hen. 

‍“Not me,” says the dog, “I’m too busy.”
“Not me,” says the cat, “I’m too tired.”
“Not me,” says the horse, “I’m watching TV.”

“Then I will do it myself!” says the little orange hen. He pushes the button until hundreds of civilians are dead. Then he gently reminds us all that in war people die. 

He goes golfing.. Then he hosts a big dance party.  All by himself. 

(Tick tock, tick tock)
Soon there are flag-draped coffins coming from the war zone.. The dog can smell it. The cat can smell it. The horse can smell it too. They all rush to what's left of the White House. 

The little orange hen pulls a baseball hat with gold letters on it. He looks serious and sad. 

“So… Who wants to help me with this Holy War?” asks the little Orange hen.

“Not Me!” says the dog. 
“Not Me!”  says the cat. 
“Not Me!” says the horse. 

“I didn't think so,” says the little orange hen. “You would not help me make this war…  so you should have to help me fight it.” 

He runs away with the stolen Nobel Peace Prize and goes golfing. All by himself.