No Noose Is Good Noose

 “Basically, Trump’s popular because he actually cares. He cares about the whole country, not just the professional class that used to run it, or run it into the ground. This is why Trump’s such a threat. He threatens not just their power. He threatens to invalidate their status and exalted role in America. Now, sometimes this clash of classes is ugly. We get it. But it’s necessary for the United States to move forward together in the twenty-first century. So when Trump’s attacked, the country is attacked.” 

This was the profoundly awkward rationalization Jesse "Hold Yer" Watters made last week in response to yet another indictment of his favorite orange blob of protoplasm. In the mad scramble to legitimize the crimes of the forty-fifth "president" of these United States, his sycophants (Latin for "psycho fans") are doing backflips to try and make sense of the twisted wreckage in which they find themselves. Lobbing a phrase like "to his credit" into this danger zone seems ill-advised, but there is some mild magic being performed as the tension mounts and the metaphorical noose begins to tighten. Those who drank the Kool-Aid back in 2015 seem completely willing to get in line for yet another rally, yet another rambling monologue about stolen elections and plumbing. 

But cracks have begone to show: Former Attorney General William "The Bear" Barr has said that he would testify against his former boss in a trial over federal charges related to alleged efforts to overturn the 2020 election. His property manager is on the hook for helping him hide classified documents in the ballrooms and bathrooms at Mar A Lago. Walt Nauta, with the unsavory job title of "body man" for the former game show host, is also being charged with helping hustle secret files into those same bathrooms. How long before the tension finally breaks one of these known associates?

This past week, Forty-five's vice president started sounding less and less like a lap dog for the twice impeached disgrace and more like an embarrassed former employee of My Pillow. Mike "The Bike" Pence told Face The Nation on Sunday, "President Trump was wrong. He was wrong then. He's wrong now. I had no right to overturn the election." It should be noted here that Big Mike would also like you to vote for him to be the forty-seventh president in 2024. He's got just a few months to get a fresh coat of paint on the campaign bus, covering up all references to the past. Except maybe the actual noose that the psycho-fants brought to the Capitol back on January 6, 2021. 

The alleged criminal who is also vying for your vote in 2024. The day after appearing in federal court, he told an audience in Alabama, "We need one more indictment to close out this election. One more indictment, and this election is closed out.” 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Donald Trump actually cares. About himself. Always. Time to close him out.