It's A Start

 I bought a pound of grass-fed beef today. It made me feel better about buying beef. It was the tiniest possible diversion I could take into my own consumer patterns. It was a very far cry from living in a world that has outlawed all other kinds of beef. Or one that has outlawed beef altogether. It was my part to keep random herds of free-range grass-eating cattle from overwhelming the planet. 

What if we all suddenly stopped eating beef? Where would all those cows go? Here you go, Bossie. You're free. Go about your life as if you were in India. Consider yourself sacred. What would become of the massive feedlot on Interstate Five? Would it be converted into some sort of bed and breakfast historical tourist attraction? 

Would all those cows eventually become more and more assertive, emboldened by their newfound non-food status? Would our streets start to look like Calcutta at rush hour? We've got a back up into the maze because of a bunch of meandering Herefords. Then, as if they had been watching old Monty Python skits, they might get it into their heads to organize, not unlike those apes who eventually took over the planet after we blew up the Statue of Liberty. 

There are more than thirty million beef cows in the United States. Giving them free rein, if you'll pardon the expression, might lead to some sort of cattle catastrophe. Would we all be asked to adopt a foster cow in order to stave off the crisis of all these wayward dogies. Over a period of years, life expectancy for longhorns and the like would expand until eventually they would begin to adapt and become more sentient. Evolution is inevitable, and before too long, we might have cows participating in the democratic process. No longer content to simple stand around in a field, they will begin to assert their place in the world. 

They might even ask for reparations. Who could blame them? I have personally done more damage to the cattle cause than some small nations. What could I do to make up for all the ways I have degraded and consumed all of their meaty lineage? 

Well, I suppose I could start by buying grass-fed beef.