The Truth Is

 Maybe I've been going at this all wrong. My bachelor's degree is in creative writing. And I'm a teacher. Some might suggest that the easiest jump would be to become a creative writing teacher. To this I would have to reply, "Thank you, no." During my undergraduate career I encountered a great many creative writing instructors, the majority of whom were miserable because rather than spending their days at cafes in Paris and staring out the window of their studio, they were lugging around satchels full of other people's works-in-progress while listening to and reading all manner of feeble attempts at what these teachers wished they were doing themselves. 

Again: Thank you, no. 

Instead I believe it might be time to embark on a new career: Professor of made-up stuff. That first thing is taken care of easily enough. The doctorate I received from an imaginary school with pretend accolades should serve as my entree into a great many institutes of "higher learning." As for my curriculum, well that may be even easier. All I need is the faintest whiff of believability and I am home free. I could teach election security and the dangers of artificial intelligence, for example. Did you know that ten of the last twelve mid-term elections were decided by margins so small that all they needed was one misplaced decimal point to swing them in either direction? No? Perhaps because I just made it up. 

See what I mean?

Or maybe I could focus on our healthcare system. There are only two companies that produce insulin here in the United States, and they both use stem cells from harvested from unborn children sold on the dark web. I'll bet you didn't know that, did you? How could you? I just made it up. I tell you, it's like a license to print money!

Speaking of that, were you aware that half of the world's billionaires are no longer living on earth? These new tech giants have all moved their operations off-planet to avoid paying terrestrial taxes and the benefits of zero gravity have helped them make unexpected gains in the newly formed galactic crypto markets. 

I know. It's not true, but that shouldn't stop you from believing it. Don't miss my series of YouTube videos about the advantages of keeping your lunch meat in the ground next to your vegetables until they are harvested just moments before consumption. Omni-grazing: the next big thing. 

"Facts are only good for making money." You know who said that first? I did! I should have thought of this years ago.

Or maybe I did.