Thursday, October 15, 2020

Phone Home

 A week ago, I threw something at my son. He responded appropriately: "What was that?" It whizzed at him at such velocity that he was unable to determine its dimensions or threat level. It was unidentified. He was hit in the chest by an unidentified flying object. A UFO. At this point, just prior to you all scrambling to find the number for Child Protective Services, I will come clean. It was a Nerf dart that had been slowly decaying in our back yard for the past decade. Crusty foam rubber, about an inch and a half long. So, mystery solved. No longer a UFO. Just a Nerf dart he left out in the yard back when he had his adolescent pals over to shoot at one another with non-lethal projectiles.

A UFO is only that which cannot be identified, and just recently they have been getting more play in the media. As if a global pandemic, marching in the streets and murder hornets weren't enough, now it's time to drag aliens into the mess we call 2020. Former Senate Majority leader Harry Reid says our government has been keeping things from us for a long time. “Why the federal government all these years has covered up, put brake pads on everything, stopped it, I think it’s very, very bad for our country,” said the retired senator from Nevada. When asked if there was still evidence that has not seen the light of day, he replied, "“I’m saying most of it hasn’t seen the light of day."

Well, that's just great. Here we are just days away from getting rid of the bloated sack of protoplasm that has been driving our country over the proverbial cliff and now we have to give him the perfect out: Space Force! This clown and his minions have been searching for a reason to get into a shooting war since he showed up at that poorly attended inauguration. Now he's got a chance to unleash all that pent-up destructive energy in the direction of the vacuum of space. 

You think I'm kidding? He was asked by Fox News at the end of an interview what he thought about UFOs. "Well I'm gonna have to check on that," he replied. "I mean, I've heard that. I heard that two days ago, so I'll check on that. I'll take a good, strong look at that." At which point he pivoted abruptly: "I will tell you this, we now have created a military, the likes of which we've never had before in terms of equipment. The equipment that we have, the weapons that we have — and hopefully, hope to God we never have to use them." A year ago, when the topic was raised in an interview with George Stephanopoulus, he seemed pretty dismissive of the whole UFO idea. "I've read, and I've heard, and I did have one very brief meeting on it. But people are saying they're seeing UFOs. Do I believe it? Not particularly." 

Now that he is truly backed into a corner, he'll take a swing at anyone or anything that might help him appear even a notch more in charge. Even if that someone or something is E.T. So maybe now would be a good time to point out to the "president" that a civilization capable of interplanetary travel and flitting through our skied essentially undetected probably isn't that deterred by our "lasers" and "missiles." As for contact, we can only assume that they are waiting for signs of intelligent life before they bother to land. Just a few more weeks.

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