Friday, August 12, 2016

Trump Rules

As part of his ongoing attempt to make the United States great again, Donald "Jay" Terrump is hoping to get a chance to debate his Democratic rival, Hillary "Ar" Clinton. But our boy Donnie won't go into this thing without a sense of what he's getting into. "I want to debate very badly," said the Cinnamon Twist, unaware of just how badly he will probably debate. “I renegotiated the debates in the primaries, remember? They were making a fortune on them and they had us in for three and a half hours and I said that’s ridiculous,” Trumbop said. “I’m sure they’ll be open to any suggestions I have, because I think they’ll be very fair suggestions." Aside from the time, place and choice of moderators, here is a look at some of the suggestions Mister Twump would like to make:
Responses of more than one hundred forty characters will be redacted.
Masks must be worn.
You aren't allowed to question the mask. 
Respect the "no song" zone.
A score of Q to twelve will be considered a win.
Any penalty legislation may be in the form of pain, embarrassment, or any other abasement the rulee deems fit to impose on his opponent. 
The second card is turned upward, except on Tuesdays.
Be aware of your surroundings. 
An INFIELD FLY is a fair fly ball (not including a line drive nor an attempted bunt) which can be caught by an infielder with ordinary effort, when first and second, or first, second and third bases are occupied, before two are out. The pitcher, catcher and any outfielder who stations himself in the infield on the play shall be considered infielders for the purpose of this rule. When it seems apparent that a batted ball will be an Infield Fly, the umpire shall immediately declare ''Infield Fly'' for the benefit of the runners. If the ball is near the baselines, the umpire shall declare ''Infield Fly, if Fair.'' The ball is alive and runners may advance at the risk of the ball being caught, or retouch and advance after the ball is touched, the same as on any fly ball. If the hit becomes a foul ball, it is treated the same as any foul. If a declared Infield Fly is allowed to fall untouched to the ground, and bounces foul before passing first or third base, it is a foul ball. If a declared Infield Fly falls untouched to the ground outside the baseline, and bounces fair before passing first or third base, it is an Infield Fly.
Rules? In a knife fight?
Nobody talks about fight club.
Other than that, he's pretty much on board with the whole thing. 
Should be fun. 

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