She won't stop calling. I have tried to let her know that our relationship is important, but I have to keep my options open. There are so many fish in the sea, if you catch my meaning. There are fish who don't show up as nearly so needy or aggressive. Okay, maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt: She's being assertive, and I guess living here in the twenty-first century that seems like it should be okay for a woman to express her wants and needs, but sometimes desperate is just desperate.
Did I mention that she emails me too? I know I can just click on the delete button, and it will be gone, but I also know that when I start up my machine tomorrow morning, my inbox will be full once again. And it's not just her. Sometimes she gets her friends to email me too. They beg and plead just the same, as if I had taken leave of my senses. "What is wrong with you?" they tend to screech at me. Can't I see what a mistake I would be making by simply cutting all ties to her and moving on with my life?
Now, when the phone rings, I look at the caller ID and wince when I recognize the number. I know she's out there, waiting. It's more than a little sad, to be stalked like this. It's not like she's some awful person. I am sure she will make someone happy. She's intelligent. She's worldly. She's got so much to give.
The trouble is, she won't stop talking long enough to get a word in edgewise. She's so full of ideas about our future and how things could be that she doesn't bother to take a breath. Not long enough to hear what's on my mind, anyway. That's the irony, really. She wants my attention so badly, but when it comes time for her to listen to what I have to say, she's not there. It's like she lives in her own private bubble, and everything would be perfect if I would just give her the chance to show me how wonderful things would be if I let her back in my life.
The truth is, I know her family. I know her history. I know that just because of the way things went down in the past, it doesn't mean that they are destined to repeat, but it's so hard to trust again. I know that my options are limited, since I am who I am, but sometimes I wish that I could just have a few days to clear my head and figure things out without her being there on the other end of the line. Who knows? Maybe if I had a chance to reflect and consider all my options, she really could be the one for me. But for right now, Hillary, would you please stop calling?