Saturday, February 06, 2016

Mixed Nuts, Mixed Results

Did anyone catch the results from the Iowa caucus? I did. Ted Cruz won. Scrooge McTrump came in second. Billionaire iconoclast with all those big endorsements Donald J. Trumplet failed to win. Sarah "Tina" Palin couldn't save him. Feuding with Megyn Kelly and skipping that last debate didn't have the effect on which he may have been counting. All those big numbers in the polls didn't turn out to be the safe haven he was expecting. All the sports metaphors that could be mustered about how this is still preseason and those caucuses decided by a coin flip don't decide anything. Champions are made in November. When the wind blows. And the snow flies.
What makes the Iowa caucus special? It's first. After the past year and a half of tub-thumping and posturing, this is actual voting, even if it does involve milling about a high school gymnasium or finding the correct side of the Gas 'N' Sip to stand on if you prefer Fiorina to Rubio. Which I believe was also a double play combination for the '36 Red Sox.
I digress. It's been a long election season already, and this first flurry of ballots probably don't mean much. Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush and Ronald Reagan share something with Donaldo McTrump, aside from an insatiable lust for power: none of these men won the Iowa caucus. It should be pointed out, however, that this corollary cannot be extended much further. There are lots of winners and losers of the Iowa caucus who have not gone on to win much else. Bob Dole, Mike Huckabee, these are some previous winners. Rich Gephardt? And what about this "Uncommitted" fellow. He came in first a few times on the Democratic side. I wish I could have had a chance to vote for him (or is it her?) in the general election.
For now, the most important point is this: Donald Trumpuh lost. Sure, we could make the finer point that he came in second, but he didn't win. I am sorry to say that this little bit of news put an extra spring in my step and made global warming feel a little more like a manageable problem. Somebody out there has been taking notice. All of that sound and fury signifies nothing. Well, not exactly nothing, but second place. Now the challenge that awaits us all is how we can start unraveling the sweater that Ted Cruz is knitting. Or maybe we can expect that by the time the real election comes the Donald and Ted show will still be stuck in the cornfields of Iowa, arguing over those last few sticks of fried butter.
On to New Hampshire, but don't tell those guys.

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