Saturday, January 25, 2014

Over And Under

It is one of life's eternal questions. It's not like whether or not you prefer to squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube or carefully roll it up from the bottom. There is a rule for that. It is printed for all to see on the package. "For best results," it tells us, "squeeze from the bottom of the tube." It is prescriptive advice. You could choose to crush it from the middle and still get about half the expected result, but eventually you would be left with a great blob of paste at the bottom of the tube that needed coaxing back to the top. There are consequences for your actions. There is a lesson to be learned.
The same cannot be said of how you choose to put the toilet paper on the spindle. There are two options: In one vision of the world, the paper comes over the top and cascades, not unlike a two-ply waterfall, toward you. In the second, the paper is much more discretely dispensed from below, with the potential of that leading edge a mystery until it comes pouring out from below. It seems like a chance operation, depending on a number of different protocols, not the least of which is: are the lights on or off?
If you trust in Al Gore's Internet, the declination of your toilet tissue can tell us a lot about the aspects or defects in your personality, depending on which site you happen to land. "Overs" are control freaks. Or optimists. "Unders" are team-oriented players who are more carefree and relaxed. If, as I mentioned, you are subject to the whims of those who research such things. I suppose that I am somewhat bemused and happy to think that I live in a world where such things are researchable.
Even if I live in a home with a bunch of right-brained middle of the tube squeezers, I can still look forward to mixing things up a little when it comes to the way we do things. Tonight, forks on the right hand side of the plate.

1 comment:

Dan said...

These are the concerns that are due to blow my mind like the bridge on the river kwai