Friday, July 27, 2012

Daily Bread, and Cheese, and Double Patty

As I was walking down the street the other day, I spied a poster that insisted that one in six Americans suffers from hunger. That converts to just about seventeen percent of us. The hope of this particular bit of advertising was that we might all consider those less fortunate than ourselves, in particular the thirty-four percent of us who are trending toward obesity. I found this interesting since there are approximately twice as many fat Americans as there are hungry Americans. Of course, it also occurred to me that the main problem with obese America is that they're pretty much every bit as hungry as those who are underfed. That leaves just a little under half of America that seems to have things figured out, more or less, meal-wise.
What then, can be done with this other half? It seems to me that when we say "Super Size," what we really mean is "Family Size." If you consider an active male needs about three thousand calories a day to get through a typical day, and an across the board Large for your trip to McDonalds' would put you right around half of that, most of it in the lurching, slow-moving death calories that taste so good. That's part of the reasoning behind the New York City ban on sugary drinks larger than sixteen ounces. The government wants to save us from ourselves. This is why I understand that part of the new Obamacare regulations require a redistribution of our food intake. Each of us will be allotted a number of calories a day, and when that has been exceeded, any and all snacks or meals will be subject to confiscation and those tasty morsels will be doled out to those who really need it. You want that Twinkie? You're going to have to prove that you need it, first. Your personal Calometer will be the determining factor. If it says you've already red-lined for the day, that skinny kid next to you is going to get your Oreo. Sorry. It's only fair.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm already working up a lucrative black-market cookie-dough network.