Well, thank goodness that's settled. This past Tuesday, the State of Hawaii provided verification of the president's birth to Arizona's secretary of state. That means that Barack Obama's name can now legally be included on the Grand Canyon state's ballot in November. According to Joshua Wisch, special assistant to Hawaii Attorney General David Louie, the matter is now resolved.Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett insisted he is "not a birther. I believe the president was born in Hawaii — or at least I hope he was." He continued, "my responsibility as secretary of state is to make sure the ballots in Arizona are correct and that those people whose names are on the ballot have met the qualifications for the office they are seeking."
And now a partial list of other things that need to be verified by Bennett's office:
The relative roundness of the earth. Bennett insists he is not a "flat-earther."
Are roses red? Bennett's team is currently in the midst of litigation about violets, since according to him, "If they were blue, why would we have a color called 'violet?'"
Does night truly follow day? Bennett gets to bed pretty early, so he's never been completely certain.
The moisture content of water is up for debate this month in the Arizona state legislature, and therefore it will remain off both "wet" and "dry" lists until further notice.
A state-sponsored program to determine the exact value of a "free lunch" is currently underway.
Later this summer, a manned probe will be launched into the farthest reaches of our galaxy to dispel the myth that "in space, no one can hear you scream."
All in a day's work for the Secretary of State of Arizona.