Everything's Fine

The Dow finished the day above thirteen thousand for the first time since 2008. Back in the dark times, before the Clone Wars. At last, we as a nation can finally breathe easy, knowing that the troubles are over. The Conference Board, a private research group, said its consumer confidence jumped to 70.8 in February, up from 61.5 in January. Who could doubt that our country is on its way back to the top.
Yes? You in the back with your hand up?
"What about the rest of us who are watching gas prices creep toward five dollars a gallon..."
Nothing to worry about. Just unrest in the Middle East. If it gets any worse, we'll send in some Navy Seals to take care of it.
"But what about the millions of dollars that people lost in the crash of the banks? People whose entire retirement portfolios were reduced to just pennies on the dollar?"
Well, now is the time to get back in the game! Look at all the confidence you have! It's more than seventy!
"What does that mean, though? I want to be able to send my kids to college -"
College? That's for snobs.
"I want to be able to buy a home."
Yeah, well, there are some very nice foreclosures coming on the market right about now.
"I don't have time to play the market. I've got to go to work. All my investments have to survive the long haul, not these periodic leaps and bounds."
That's okay. Didn't you see the latest Transformers movie, "Money Never Sleeps?" You could be doing after hours trading on foreign markets.
"You mean like Greece? Have they got all the fires out yet?"
Did I mention that the Dow topped thirteen thousand this week?