Sunday, January 01, 2012

Resolution Number Nine

I suppose the first resolution I feel compelled to make this year is to take Mayans more seriously. It could be that a Rick Perry/Michelle Bachmann ticket might just make the end of the world a little more likely: The "What Does This Button Do?" Scenario. To that point I resolve to vote this year, and not just for President. I resolve to vote for ballot initiatives, representatives local and national. I resolve to vote for dog catcher, if they let me.
I resolve to be more kind to Justin Bieber in 2012. I believe the grief he gets from my son will be adequate for one household. I resolve to take that mild abuse and heap it on someone who really deserves it. I further resolve to keep my eye open for anyone who may be in need of mild abuse.
This will be the year that I finish all those home improvement projects that I started. I resolve that this resolution will not cause me to burn my home to the ground.
I will use my time more wisely, in discrete twenty minute chunks, after which I resolve to sigh, mop my brow, and get back to the next twenty minutes. If I run out of time, I will borrow it from the future.
I resolve to get up every morning. I resolve to go to bed at night. In between I resolve to keep those events separate and distinct. I resolve to stay away from Fantasy Football for the next eight months. I make these resolutions in hopes of keeping at least a few of them. I never resolved to make it a challenge.

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