Hunting And Gathering

If I were a good American, I would be busy clicking and clacking away on my Internet connection, doing everything I possibly can to end this long national crisis called "recession." I would be tapping into those credit lines and doing my best to relieve the strains on our country's economy by purchasing some nice candlesticks from Overstock.com for the friends and family that are still in desperate need of home decor.
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. That's what President Pinhead told us it was our patriotic duty to do in the wake of the 9/11 attack. If we stop spending money, it could be perceived as a weakness. While you're at it, why not buy a house? Rack up all the debt you can muster for the good ol' US of A. Now, with the wolves at the door, we are being asked to wipe our mouths after Thanksgiving dinner and head out to the mall. Don't wait for the deals to come to you. You should come to the deals. Bring your pepper spray. You never know when you might need to fight for what you really need.
Those who are sitting in front of their screens, pads, or phones today might want to gather together just a little closer to enhance that feeling of desperation. Feel free to poke one another in the eye, or jab someone in the kidney. Those candlesticks aren't free, after all.