Independence Day. Today I will be free from worry about what cockroaches are saying behind my back. I will be free of the shackles that bind me to my IBM Selectric typewriter. I will no longer be bound to the floor since I have recently learned to unlace my shoes that had been nailed there.
I probably won't bear arms, though it's likely my arms will be bare. I will pursue happiness, but since it's so hot, I might have to let it get away just this once. As for life and liberty, I am happy to have them, but I don't know exactly where I'm going to store them. I'm also looking forward to exercising my freedom of religion, with hopes of getting through the top twenty before the end of the day, spending just a few minutes experiencing each one. Since I'm not big into crowds, I might have to skip that freedom of assembly thing, but knowing that I have the option is pretty cool. I hope to have my petition ready by that time, the one that I'm trying to get enough signatures on so that I can outlaw people standing outside grocery stores asking if I have a minute to sign something. I plan to exhibit my freedom of speech by not using my indoor voice for the entire day. And when it comes time for freedom of the press, I hope you'll all take the opportunity to print out this list and post share it with your friends.
Happy Birthday, America.