Way down on Last Breath Farm
I've been rakin' leaves with Liza
Me and Liz clean up the yard"
Aging rock star Elton John went on the BBC yesterday and told the world that he has been helping his rapper pal Eminem with his substance abuse problem. It put me in mind of all the Celebrity Rehab stories I have heard over the past few years, and it made me wonder just how successful the program could be if Elton John was your sponsor. Elton said that as a recovered drug abuser he is happy to help people if they want the assistance, but drugs make people so cocky and arrogant that they often reject help. Cocky enough, for example, to wear a Donald Duck costume in Central Park. In front of four hundred thousand people. Come to think of it, this level of humility may be precisely what makes Mister John so imminently qualified to council others on the evils of addiction.
This would apparently open the door for Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue to have a sit-down with Steven Tyler of Aerosmith to discuss the evils of painkillers and using the wrong conditioner on your hair. Maybe Rush Limbaugh could help Barack Obama finally kick that nicotine habit. Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Britany Murphy: too late. Or perhaps we could get Ozzy Osbourne on some sort of twenty-four hour teleconference hookup for any celebrity who has the slightest inkling about ingesting, snorting or injecting anything. When it comes to submitting to a higher power, he sure seems like the best bat - er, bet.
"Well, it's tough to be somebody
And it's hard not to fall apart
Up here on Rehab Mountain
We gonna learn these things by heart"